21 Comments

Ashley is like if Carl Bernstein was bitten by a radioactive shitposter.

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And it's exactly what I need this year

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A "529" is a type of tax-advantaged investment account. 3/13 is Jamie Dimon's birthday

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If I don't subscribe as a paying customer after this post, I'd be letting journalism as a whole down.

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I agree - but I don't do Applepay - so how else can I pay? ready to subscribe!

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Ashley you are a goddamned national treasure

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Ashley, have you ever failed to find the account you're looking for and just not told us? And if so, how much time does it take before you give up?

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Someone get this woman a Pulitzer for Investigative Shitpost Journalism.

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is it possible that Jack Mason is a weird play on Jamie Dimon, like... it sounds like Diamond, and diamonds are almost/maybe rocks, which Mason's work with. And Jack is a nickname for James, which is suspiciously close to Jamie!

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perhaps most disturbingly, "Jack Mason" is a perfect anagram for "A Man's Jock"

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Love this. Jamie Dimon if you're reading this, inshallah you are smited by God.

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Is it overreaching to raise an eyebrow at the fact that the only coworkers he follows happen to be attractive, relatively young women?

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Looking for a bailbondsman in the tri state region of new hampshire

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The name is certainly an homage to Dimon's favorite Borscht Belt comedian.

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Wow! Very fun read!

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Joey Romeo is a real name. I knew his sister growing up.

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If you do a little more digging, you’ll also discover that Jamie Dimon and Judy Miller have an open affair.

1) check out Jamie’s biography where he mentions they dated their first year of HBS. Next year he dumped her and started dating his now wife. Pay attention to how he describes Judy Miller vs his wife. If I was his wife, I’d be embarrassed at how he talks about her vs me

2) JM was previously a publisher at Penguin Books but when Jamie was made CEO of JPMC, she was one of his first hires and she was hired to run their entire marketing efforts. Seems like quite the promotion

3) ask former employees from 270 park. It wasn’t that rare to see the two of them leaving together, dining together, etc. As a former employee myself, I saw them holding hands around the building and also saw them making out (yes, making out in the lobby. Jamie was drunk and it was around 10pm at night)

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Of course he follows exactly one (1) woman and it is his daughter 🙄

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rich freaks LOVE steven pinker!

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