A Trashberg update
I’ve been putting off writing this for weeks now. Partially because it feels like admitting some sort of defeat, but also because I just feel really, really bad.
I’ve been radio silent for so long that I feel like I owe it to all of you to be as transparent as humanly possible. But if you don’t care about any of this and just want to know what’s going on, the short of it is that I paused subscriptions back in October, and anyone who bought an annual subscription should be getting a refund on the remainder of that time shortly. I’m not entirely sure how long it takes to go through, but if some time has passed and you still haven’t heard anything, just shoot me an email (you can just reply to this) and I’ll try to figure out what’s going on. I’ll likely still be posting to Trashberg, but only sporadically and without any sort of paid option.
You are now free to either carry on with your life and never think about this again or read on as I try not to ramble too much.
Before I started Trashberg, I'd been batting around the idea of a book about my dad’s and sister’s suicides (I’ve written about this a couple times in the past, but I always knew I wanted to do something more substantial when I was mentally ready). I left my job at Slate partially because I felt like this book was something I needed to do, but also because, after eight or nine years, blogging regularly was starting to make me miserable. When Substack came to me, I thought this might actually be the perfect solution. I figured that I would welcome a chance to think about something lighthearted a few times a week. But as it turns out, jumping from making fun of Joe Biden’s dick outline or whatever to exploring the deaths of half my immediate family wasn’t actually as simple as I’d hoped.
Since I found it impossible to maintain those two opposing frames of mind, I put the book aside and tried my best to fake it with Trashberg. The longer I tried to force myself to have fun with this, though, the harder it was and, frankly, the more depressed I became. I’ve now realized that trying to ignore that or work around it just isn’t an option for me. I don’t think I’ll really be able to fully to commit to anything until I try to see this book through.
As I mentioned up top, I don’t think I’m done with Trashberg entirely. I hope to post occasionally when I actually have something to say or a joke too stupid to ignore, but I know I simply can’t keep up a posting schedule right now, as awful as I feel about it. And I definitely don’t feel comfortable charging subscribers going forward. So! That is where things stand for now, and I do sincerely apologize for taking so long to let you guys know what was going on.
If you have any questions/concerns/desire to yell at me for being a fraud, please feel free to shoot me an email or Twitter DM. And I look forward to seeing you all again in two months when the Cuomo brothers finally announce their new podcast, Two Canceled Italians.
1) I love you 2) if there's any way you can send me like, an extra refund, like more than I paid, like maybe a few hundred dollars, that would be great
Honestly, I was so excited when you announced the substance but always thought weekly was so ambitious. It's not the quantity of your writing, it's the quality! It's such a unique talent and perspective that the internet deeply needs.
I'm happy to see you focus on something so important to you because whatever comes of it will leave us all for the better.
Like everyone else if there's a way to send the refund back to you, I'd like to sign up.
Now for a little story:
Earlier this year, with the help of Bo Burnham's "Inside" I fell into a pretty deep funk. My older child was about to turn two, my younger was six months, and thinking of the future just ruined me in a lot of ways.
As I kept listening to the album, the Jeff Bezos songs always stuck out to me as nuggets of oddly bright and then something snapped in my brain. People are super weird and find fetishes in everything, surely there must be Jeff Bezos fanfic, right?
The ensuing week or so was filled with a hell of a lot secret googling and learning a lot about the rules of fanfic (one being, apparently, to not write about living people). I was so determined that this would be something you would be ideal to share with the world and so bummed that I didn't have your knack for finding these things.
I sat back after a few days and realized I was a dude spending a lot of time trying like hell to find Jeff Bezos erotica and laughed for a long time. Since then, things have gotten better, and I think on that whenever I need a pick me up.
So thank you. I'm not sure I would have climbed out of that rut quite so fast if I hadn't thought there was someone out there that could have used such deranged content. Trashberg will always be welcome in my inbox. Whenever it comes.